At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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