She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
