apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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