he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
