All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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