This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
