He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
