Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
