"it" just moved
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I believe in your delicious
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
