Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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