Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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