Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pants are for mortals
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
