she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
