And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
