I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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