Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
