doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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