Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
