Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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