I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
