but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
