Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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