Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
