I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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