I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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