remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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