there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
