Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
