Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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