i need an iv and a liver transplant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
