The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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