just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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