They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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