Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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