He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
