Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
