hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
