you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
