hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
