I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
