I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
