it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
