you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
