Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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