I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
