This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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