i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
