google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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