I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
