At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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