You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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