im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
