I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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