I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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