how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
