I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
