is your mom at the bar?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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