Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
