apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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