theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
