i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
