here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
