A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
