i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
