wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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