I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
